Three weeks ago I had my End of Stay Camp for AFS in Berlin. During the camp, I met up with 49 other American exchange students for workshops, city adventures, and political engagements. We laughed and we cried, we shared our triumphs and our failures, and we connected. We all have something very unique in common: we left our homes and our families to come to a foreign country where we didn't know anyone, with a new language and a new family, a new school and new friends. What were we thinking, anyway? I guess we're all pretty crazy individuals for even agreeing to something like that, but we all managed to survive.

We took the time together in Berlin to reflect on our years: on host family successes and problems, on friends, on speaking German. On finding ourselves. On changing. On living and learning. We talked about what we can take back with us, and what we have to leave behind. We went to the Reichstag and sat in a parlament session about the downsizing of the German army, we asked questions of German government officials, and we met the American ambassador (who was verdammt cool, and so funny. He was also a Red Sox fan, Mom... representing our country well). We used our free time to join 30,000 Germans in a political demonstration against nuclear energy, and, in typical exchange student bad luck, we got caught riding 'schwarz' (without a ticket) on the Straßenbahn... and had to pay 40 euros between the six of us. The delicious Indian food we got afterwards made up for it, though.

Despite my End of Stay Camp preparation, it still really hasn't sunk in that I am leaving Germany in three and a half weeks. Of course I've started to think about it... I've planned a birthday/going away party, and I'm trying to find time for things that I still need to do, and I've started to get excited about my family and friends at home and my room and my bike...I've filled out housing and health forms for Dartmouth, I signed up for my freshman outing club trip. But the actually reality of leaving behind friends and family here and just not being in Germany really feels like something very far away, or a dream. Definitely not like something that is inevitably going to happen in less than a month's time. Sometimes it hits me randomly and I just start crying.

A lot of people ask me what I think about Spremberg, expecting me to say that it's boring or too small. I always reply saying that I really like Spremberg – it might not be an exciting big city like Berlin, but the people have been so friendly to me, and I couldn't be more thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know them. I've had such a wonderful experience this year and people have been unbelievably generous and welcoming to me. For example, I've been able to use the Spremberg swimming pool the whole year for free, and I was able to visit two different fitness centers without paying membership fees, just because I'm a 'Gast' (guest). The group of sweet middle aged and older men that I've been cycling with are giving me a 'Spremberger Stahlwaden' (Spremberg Steel-calves) club bike jersey for free, as a memory (by the way, today we biked 50 miles in three hours, with one stop after the first 40 miles for a beer break). I also got a trophy for being the participant in their RTF bike tour who came from the furthest distance away from Spremberg. Not to mention my wonderful group of friends at school who have adopted me as one of their own, always inviting me to come along. Especially at the beginning, they really had to be patient with me to make sure that I understood, and I appreciate that so much. I just want everyone here to know how much they mean to me. I hope I mean something to them, too.

But unfortuntately, I have to begin the process of pulling away. Even if I do come back and visit (which I plan to do in December, depending on if I can afford it), nothing will ever be exactly the same as it is now. Although I can thankfully keep in contact with my friends here via Facebook and Skype, it will not be the same as seeing their faces and hearing their voices every day at school, and we won't go to discos or parties together anymore. This is the end of an era. It is the end of my time in Germany, at least for a while. It is not only the end of my time as an exchange student, but also the end of my time as a high school student. In September, I will begin classes at Dartmouth college, preparing for the adult stage of my life that is to come.

My year in Germany is coming to an end much faster than I've been able to process it. I still can't believe that in 27 days, I'll be back home in Maine.

In preparation of my departure I've made a list of things to do before I go home. This includes:
1. Going to the top of the Fernsehenturm in Berlin.
2. Going to the top of the Bismarckturm in Spremberg
3. Going to the observation deck on top of the powerplant in Schwarze Pumpe
4. Going to the dome at the top of the Reichstag in Berlin (which we unfortunately we're able to do when we were there for AFS)
5.Going to visit the 'Laden' in Bohsdorf, from Erwin Strittmatter's book, 'Der Laden'

I checked off number 5 last weekend. Unfortunately I won't be able to check off number 2, since the Bismarckturm is closed for renovations... which in typical German style are scheduled to go on for six months. I guess I'll just have to come back!

The next few weeks will involve trying to make the best of the little time that I have left here. I'll be packing and saying goodbye, and trying to show everyone here how much they mean to me. Then, on July 8^th, I will board a plane bound for Washington DC, whether I'm ready or not.