Three weeks ago I had my End of Stay Camp for AFS in Berlin. During the camp, I met up with 49 other American exchange students for workshops, city adventures, and political engagements. We laughed and we cried, we shared our triumphs and our failures, and we connected. We all have something very unique in common: we left our homes and our families to come to a foreign country where we didn't know anyone, with a new language and a new family, a new school and new friends. What were we thinking, anyway? I guess we're all pretty crazy individuals for even agreeing to something like that, but we all managed to survive.

We took the time together in Berlin to reflect on our years: on host family successes and problems, on friends, on speaking German. On finding ourselves. On changing. On living and learning. We talked about what we can take back with us, and what we have to leave behind. We went to the Reichstag and sat in a parlament session about the downsizing of the German army, we asked questions of German government officials, and we met the American ambassador (who was verdammt cool, and so funny. He was also a Red Sox fan, Mom... representing our country well). We used our free time to join 30,000 Germans in a political demonstration against nuclear energy, and, in typical exchange student bad luck, we got caught riding 'schwarz' (without a ticket) on the Straßenbahn... and had to pay 40 euros between the six of us. The delicious Indian food we got afterwards made up for it, though.

Despite my End of Stay Camp preparation, it still really hasn't sunk in that I am leaving Germany in three and a half weeks. Of course I've started to think about it... I've planned a birthday/going away party, and I'm trying to find time for things that I still need to do, and I've started to get excited about my family and friends at home and my room and my bike...I've filled out housing and health forms for Dartmouth, I signed up for my freshman outing club trip. But the actually reality of leaving behind friends and family here and just not being in Germany really feels like something very far away, or a dream. Definitely not like something that is inevitably going to happen in less than a month's time. Sometimes it hits me randomly and I just start crying.

A lot of people ask me what I think about Spremberg, expecting me to say that it's boring or too small. I always reply saying that I really like Spremberg – it might not be an exciting big city like Berlin, but the people have been so friendly to me, and I couldn't be more thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know them. I've had such a wonderful experience this year and people have been unbelievably generous and welcoming to me. For example, I've been able to use the Spremberg swimming pool the whole year for free, and I was able to visit two different fitness centers without paying membership fees, just because I'm a 'Gast' (guest). The group of sweet middle aged and older men that I've been cycling with are giving me a 'Spremberger Stahlwaden' (Spremberg Steel-calves) club bike jersey for free, as a memory (by the way, today we biked 50 miles in three hours, with one stop after the first 40 miles for a beer break). I also got a trophy for being the participant in their RTF bike tour who came from the furthest distance away from Spremberg. Not to mention my wonderful group of friends at school who have adopted me as one of their own, always inviting me to come along. Especially at the beginning, they really had to be patient with me to make sure that I understood, and I appreciate that so much. I just want everyone here to know how much they mean to me. I hope I mean something to them, too.

But unfortuntately, I have to begin the process of pulling away. Even if I do come back and visit (which I plan to do in December, depending on if I can afford it), nothing will ever be exactly the same as it is now. Although I can thankfully keep in contact with my friends here via Facebook and Skype, it will not be the same as seeing their faces and hearing their voices every day at school, and we won't go to discos or parties together anymore. This is the end of an era. It is the end of my time in Germany, at least for a while. It is not only the end of my time as an exchange student, but also the end of my time as a high school student. In September, I will begin classes at Dartmouth college, preparing for the adult stage of my life that is to come.

My year in Germany is coming to an end much faster than I've been able to process it. I still can't believe that in 27 days, I'll be back home in Maine.

In preparation of my departure I've made a list of things to do before I go home. This includes:
1. Going to the top of the Fernsehenturm in Berlin.
2. Going to the top of the Bismarckturm in Spremberg
3. Going to the observation deck on top of the powerplant in Schwarze Pumpe
4. Going to the dome at the top of the Reichstag in Berlin (which we unfortunately we're able to do when we were there for AFS)
5.Going to visit the 'Laden' in Bohsdorf, from Erwin Strittmatter's book, 'Der Laden'

I checked off number 5 last weekend. Unfortunately I won't be able to check off number 2, since the Bismarckturm is closed for renovations... which in typical German style are scheduled to go on for six months. I guess I'll just have to come back!

The next few weeks will involve trying to make the best of the little time that I have left here. I'll be packing and saying goodbye, and trying to show everyone here how much they mean to me. Then, on July 8^th, I will board a plane bound for Washington DC, whether I'm ready or not.

I am long overdue for a blogpost

I've been in Germany for almost 8 months. I was on school break for the last week and a half, and the weather was beautiful. I spent the time riding my bike and enjoying the sunshine. I already have really gnarly bike tan lines. Hooray for summer. Pati and I also took a six hour road trip to Stuttgart, one of Germany's greenest cities and the capital of Baden-Württemberg. It also has one of the largest international/foreign populations of all of Germany's cities. We went in order to visit his sister, Cassy, her husband, Pedi, and their baby, Lazar. I really enjoyed getting to know them, and we had a great time together at Frühlingsfest (a big carneval) and in the city. I think Stuttgart is my new favorite German city - it was so beautiful, green, and clean... it didn't even feel like a big city at times. It reminded me of San Fransico (not that I've ever been there, but from movies) - the city consists of many, many gigantic hills.

Other events in the Ferien included a spontaneous beach party/bonfire on the Stausee beach and the annual Osterfeier, a big bonfire the night before Easter. Spremberg has really come alive with the warm weather, and I'm looking forward to the next two months of sunshine and fun times.

Yesterday I was back to school and it was really wonderful to see my friends again. We got Klausurs back in English, so I spent a long time talking with Simon and helping him correct his test. I've gotten to the point where I can help most of my classmates with English vocabulary more than they can help me with German, and it's a really cool feeling to be a bit of a translator. I also helped Pati's mom (who knows no English) and my parents (whose German knowledge is limited to 'Guten Tag' and 'zwei Bier bitte') communicate via skype, which was also a neat feeling. I'm not sure if a job as a translator is for me, but es macht Spaß. But apparently it's really stressful as a profession.

Over the last month or so I've been feeling like my German is fluent. Of course there's no final moment when learning is complete - I still learn new words every day, and my grammar is not always perfect... but I can understand everything around me, communicate effectively, and express myself. I watch movies and read newspaper articles with no problems. I've started to read Erwin Strittmatter's most well known book, Der Laden. The author went to my school and it's now named after him, so I figure I should read it... although I'm sure it will be a challenge with all of its 500+ pages. I have finally gotten my head around Konjunktiv (the subjunctive case) and the Fälle are no problem at all anymore, as long as I know the correct gender of a word. I don't struggle for words or grammatical structures and I don't think in English. In fact, I have to deliberately focus when I want to write in English, and sometimes the sentences come to mindin German first. Auf jeden Fall ist meine englische Grammatik schlechter geworden. Sometimes I really have to think about things when I'm trying to help my classmates... I haven't been consistently exposed to native English in so long that I'm starting to forget what 'sounds' right.

This does not mean that everything is easy. I am still more emotional this year than I have ever been in my life. (I need to take this moment to apologize to Pati, who is on the receiving end of my blubbering on a regular basis, and without whom I think I would explode). I started crying in art class today, and I'm not even exactly sure why. I think the most frustrating thing for me at this point is that I am almost completely capable of participating in school at the same level as my classmates - even if it takes me more time - but that some teachers still treat me as this 'other' category because I don't need grades and German isn't my first language. My class is very good about including me in everything, and I couldn't be more thankful for them. But in a German gymnasium, lessons are preparation for the Abitur, and tests and Klausurs are almost the only points of evaluation (Bewertung). Since I'm a gap year student and I don't need grades, some teachers don't really give me an equal opportunity to do everything with the class, even though I can (for the most part). If there's an odd number in Sport, I'm the one sitting out, even though I can participate just as well as everyone else (I can't count on one hand the amount of Sport periods I've spent trying not to cry). In art, we had a partner test that we were supposed to be doing over the last seven weeks while the teacher had an operation. I would have gladly completed the assignment, at least the part that involved sketching a roman archway, but since we had an odd number, I was left without a partner and wasn't able to do the assignment. This may have had something to do with the tears in class today. Exchange students in the US are treated exactly the same as the other students (at least at my school), and I just wish it that were the way here. Sure, it might be easier to skip out on assignments, but my German isn't going to get any better that way. I hate feeling incapable. After eight months of being the oddball, I just want to be like everyone else.

On top of this, I've been dealing with the bittersweet emotions of nearing the end of my exchange.

Yesterday morning Pati came upstairs with his coffee and told me that Osama Bin Laden was dead. At first I thought he was playing a joke on me, and I really didn't believe him. Then I checked out facebook only to be bombarded with patriotic chants of 'USA! USA! USA!' and watched the President's speech on youtube while I ate my Müsli. I think this sums up how isolated I feel from this event. But here's an excerpt from my journal:

Earlier that morning Pati had seen on the news that the USA special forces had shot and killed Osama Bin Laden. At first I thought he was playing a joke on me, but I went on Facebook and discovered it was real. I also watched the President's announcement on youtube. It was very strange for me and I wasn't sure how to feel. Most of my American friends had posted all sorts of pro-USA celebratory propaganda, which I felt honestly uncomfortable with. While I'm happy to see the partial reunification of our politically fractured country through celebrations and shared joy, the blind patriotism and outright jubilation and Schadenfreude and hatred is dangerous and makes us no worse than our enemies. Death is never something to be celebrated by parties on the White House lawn, no matter how evil the enemy may have been. So I'm personally a little embarrassed, as an American who has been living abroad for the past eight months, by the actions of my fellow countrymen. I'm also worried about the reverberations this will have on the Muslim community in the US (a mosque in Portland was already graffitied with anti-Muslim messages) and on the safety of Westerners (due to the potential for revenge terrorist attacks). Herr Hesse actually asked me how I felt about the situation, and I think he was glad to hear that I wasn't rejoicing. Of course I'm glad that a mass murderer can no longer potentially harm me or any other of the Earth's citizens, but I see no joy in death. This should instead be a time of solemn moral reflection.

As I tried to explain to Herr Hesse, I feel very isolated from the turn of events and I don't find any personal satisfaction in the news of the death. Maybe if I had had a relative die in 9/11 I would feel differently, but I cannot say that for sure. After living in Germany for eight months, and therefore taking a step back from the often dangerously and blindly patriotic American mood and a step towards the reflective, history-conscious German one, I don't feel very 'American' in the same sense as the people who posted chants of 'USA!' on Facebook. I'm not sure if I ever have, really. That's not to say that I don't like America. I may have said that in the past, but I wouldn't say that now. Through a year spent away from my homeland, I've actually come to appreciate the values of my country more than ever before: not necessarily what we do in the practice or how we conduct ourselves in world affairs, but the ideas that we strive towards - those of equality, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness. I appreciate the ideas of our Constitution and our Bill of Rights, and there are many times this year where I've been disappointed in German law or political policy (for example, there is no minimum wage in Germany, and some people, mostly foreigners or those of foreign descent, work for as little as one Euro (roughly 1.48$) per hour). After spending eight months in a country that is plagued by immigration problems and the 'failure' of 'Multi-Kulti,' I have realized how important our 'melting bowl of cultures' is to our unity as a people and to our ideals of equality. As much as this model isn't perfect, and as much as we like to complain about the newest bunch of immigrants, the fact is that at some point in our family histories, we were immigrants, too. And while we have a long way to go, I believe that because of these ideals, written into figurative stone through our Constitution, we will eventual achieve equality in ways that some European countries (many of which never had a civil rights movement) may struggle to reach.

This year has also made me realize how much I love my home community and my family. I look at photos of the ocean and I get nostalgic for the smell and the wind... I miss Maine's community feel and downtown Brunswick, and my parents... being in another family for a year has really made me realize how lucky I am to have them, and it's taught me how I should never take how close we are for granted. I really couldn't have asked for a better support system and I love them more than anything.

However... I'm not sure that I want to live in the US for the rest of my life. After college, I'm planning on seriously looking into job opportunities in Europe. As someone who wants to work with languages, my opportunities in the mostly monolingual USA are minuscule compared to the lingual diversity of Europe. Actually, I think Stuttgart might make a wonderful place to live. But I've still got a while to figure that out, so don't start getting upset yet, Mom. Auf jeden Fall, I'd be sure to come and visit :)

Cycling

So, I bought an old Italian roadbike on Ebay. Needless to say I am now a very, very happy camper. It rides like a dream and I can't even explain how much I've missed road cycling.

So, I've added a page to my blog where I'm tracking my miles. You can check out my progress by clicking 'Cycling,' located at the very top right hand side of the page next to 'Home' and above 'Dani in Deutschland.'

Until next time!

German words in the English Language

One of the things that never ceases to amuse and fascinate Germans is the German words used in the English language.

German is FULL of English words, with many of them 'eingedeutscht' - that is, germanized... either spoken with German pronunciation or even spelled the German way. Some are English words used to mean something different in German. English words in the German language include:

• das Handy (cell phone)
• das Event
• der Manager
• der Sticker
• das Handout
• der Energydrink
• der Flyer
• das Toastbrot (toast)
• das CD Booklet
• der Computer
• easy
• Der Pullover (sweatshirt/hoodie)
• Das T-Shirt
• Die Boxer-Shorts
• cool
• Der Trainer (coach)
• Die Livemusik (live music)

This list goes on and on and on. English words are especially used in advertising, where companies often think it's cool to write (often incorrect) English. Many Germans, especially German teachers, bemoan the Anglicization and 'decline' of the German language. Sometimes I will search for the German word to describe something only to discover they don't even have a German word for it - the use the English (or, worse, the French) word instead.

But what a lot of Germans (and maybe Americans, too) don't know is how many German words we actually use in the English language... which is actually a considerable amount. I have had many conversations describing this phenomenon to Germans, and it never fails to delight them. The find 'Gesundheit' especially hilarious and astounding. Here's a list:

• Gesundheit - what we sometimes say when people sneeze. A lot of English speakers think it means the same thing as 'Bless you,' but it actually means 'health.'
• Rucksack - a word for 'backpack' that is mostly said by old people
• Über - a German prefix used to mean 'super'
• Schadenfreude - enjoyment in the someone else's pain
• Zeitgeist - spirit of the past
• Doppelganger - a lookalike of another person, spelled Doppelgänger in German
• Angst - fear
• Blitzkrieg - lightning war (Hitler's strategy for WWII)
• Deli/Delicatessen - spelled Delikatessen in German, a shop selling prepared meats and cheese
• Fest - festival
• Frankfurter - hot dog
• glitz/glitzy - sparkly, glamorous (glitzerig auf deutsch)
• Glockenspiel - "bell play" - an instrument played by striking tuned flat metal plates
• kaput - broken (spelled kaputt in German)
• kitsch/kitschy - something gaudy or pretentious, in poor taste (der Kitsch/kitschig)
• Kindergarten - preschool in Germany, first year of elementary school in the US
• poltergeist - a ghost that makes mysterious noises, from 'poltern' (to make noise)
• schnapps - any strong, distilled alcoholic drink (brandy, whiskey, vodka, etc.)
• Wunderkind - child prodigy

German has had quite an influence on American culture and language, and remains very important and relevant to learn :) Plus, it's fun!

In other news, I have three months left (as of yesterday) and I am constantly struggling between excitement to go home and the disbelief and incredible sadness at the realization that I will actually have to leave Germany. My feelings are all over the place and I'm kind of a blubbering mess sometimes. I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel in July...

Liebe Grüße

So, I've gotten into the habit of writing about once a month, which I'm not super happy about, but this time I have good reasons.

1 - it's hard to write in English

2 - I switched host families

I don't want to write about the host family change in detail on the internet, but I'll just say that I'm really sad that it didn't work out, but I think and hope that everyone will be happier now that I've switched. I've been lucky enough to stay in the same town through moving in with Pati's family, which, while unconventional, has been working out wonderfully so far.

Let me back up a little bit to February, where I last left off.

2/10 (10.2 for Germans): I took a test in politics about economic theory and Adam Smith and John Keynes. I wrote mostly in German but switched into English (my politics teacher is also an English teacher) when I started to run out of time. I ended up with an A- and Herr Hesse gushing about my English, which apparently was 'like a printed paper.' I don't believe him, because I can barely even speak English anymore let alone write well under pressure. But it was nice of him anyway.

2/12: I went to my first Faschings party. This was Jana's 19th birthday, but since it's Fasching season, we all had to dress up as characters from Märchen (fairy tales). I went as a fairy, complete with wings and a wand I made with the help of Ramona and Maria. The party was all kids from the 13th grade, so it was a good opportunity to meet new people.

2/19: I went bowling with a bunch of friends. It was exactly the same as in the US, and the balls even came from America. I still suck at bowling, but I did get one strike!

2/22: Pati's sister Cathleen and her husband Pedi and their baby son Lazar came to visit from Stuttgart. It was Lazar's first birthday party, and we ate cake and played with him. So cute!

2/23: Pati and I went to see Philipp Poisel, my favorite German musician, in concert in Dresden. Before the concert I met up with Nancy Dano, a friend of my mom's who was in Dresden for a few months. It was very strange to talk in English for so long, but she was really happy to talk to someone from back home and it was nice to see her. After chatting for a while Pati and I headed to the concert venue, where of course we stood outside for over an hour (I think it was somewhere in the 20s Fahrenheit? Maybe colder) in order to get a spot in the front row. The first act turned out to be an American acoustic singer/songwriter named Erik Penny who has been living in Berlin for a couple of years. He was quite good and I talked to him after the show and bought his CD, which he signed for me. The second act was a German female singer songwriter, who was also really impressive.

Then it was time for Philipp Poisel! He's also a singer/songwriter, but he had a full band behind him of drums, a standup bass, piano, and an additional guitar. He was really short and adorable and told rambley stories and was just generally sweet. I think he played almost every single song he has, because the show lasted a really long time and he only has two albums. I was very impressed with the whole show and I had a great time, even though it was very late on a school night. Although taking video was forbidden I managed to get a short clip of his performance. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Biime9_X6Kg

3/1-3/6: On the first of March I headed to Bad Honnef for my AFS Midstay Camp. I traveled by train from Spremberg to Cottbus, and then from Cottbus to Berlin.... then it got tricky. My train to Köln was delayed and it got confusing and I ended up on a train to Düsseldorf instead of Köln. Which I realized of course after arriving in Düsseldorf... But luckily Düsselorf isn't that far from Köln, and I got a train to Köln easily and even managed to avoid the ticket collector (my ticket wasn't exactly valid for Düsseldorf to Köln...). From there I caught the regional express train to Bad Honnef... and finally, 11 hours later, I arrived at my destination.

As for the camp itself, it was really, really great. It was especially for the Congress-Bundestag kids, so I got to hang out with 24 other Americans and five young German AFS volunteers. We pretty much gave up on German amongst ourselves after the first couple of days... it was just too nice to have a break and to be funny and loud and sarcastic and just to speak English. A lot of us have a hard time expressing our true personalities in German, so as a result people were really loud and talkative and I think I laughed more in the week than I have in the last seven months. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know the other exchangers.

We spent the days doing workshops about cultural differences and talking about our experiences at school and with our host families, and just in general how our years are going so far. We also took the opportunity to talk amongst ourselves and compare experiences and share stories, which I found to be incredibly helpful.

We also visited the cities of Bonn and Köln. Bonn was the capital of West Germany, so we checked out the (really ugly) old government buildings and we also went to the Haus der Geschichte, a really large history museum. We had free time in the city and I took the opportunity to hit up a Dönerladen with friends (the food at our youth hostel was Scheiße) and we just laughed and laughed and laughed. In Köln we visited a Mosque (one of the major themes of the camp was German/Turkish relations and Islam in general) and I climbed up to the top of the Kölner Dom, a hugeeeeeeee cathedral. 533 steps, thank you very much. I also took the opportunity to deface a public building and write my name on the wall along with the thousands of others (see SmugMug for photos). That night we went to a typisches deutsches Restaurant and then it was time to party. We had the good luck of being in Köln during the week of Karneval, which meant that the streets and bars were completely full of drunk people in costume. AKA, awesomeness. We had free time in the city and our AFS volunteers were pretty cool, so we got to take part in the celebrations. I'll leave it at that ;)

3/11: Pati and I went to see the German punk band Botox in concert with his friend Hans. It was generally loud and stinky. I don't have much more to say about this one, tut mir Leid.

3/13: I went to the movies with Olga and Yasmin. We saw the movie Kokowääh, which was directed by the famous German actor Till Schweiger. He also played the main character in the film. Americans may know him from Inglorious Bastards. The film was really sweet and we all enjoyed it. I would recommend it (with subtitles of course) to anyone back home.

3/17: I took part in the "Kängeru Mathe Wettbewerb" at my school, along with three other people from my grade and four from the tenth grade. It was pretty much like math team in the States, with a bunch of tough geometry/algebra/trigonometry word problems. I was bummed about the lack of calculus and I was never that great with geometry, and that combined with lengthy German word problems made it pretty difficult. But I was glad to have participated in a school event (which are rarities here...), and I think everyone else found it hard too. We'll see about the results in May.

3/19: Olga, Yasmin and I went to the 'Happy Station' disco in Cottbus in order to see the DJ Laserkraft 3D, who wrote the song 'Nein Mann' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBjDZMJUduo). They turned the train station into a disco for the night. Unfortunately the first two DJs weren't very good, and since it didn't start until 11pm, we were stuck waiting for ONE SONG until almost 4 am. At that point we just wanted to go home... but oh well.

3/20: Last weekend Pati and I drove to the Leipziger Buchmesse, which was a huge book fair in the city of Leipzig, about two hours from Spremberg. There were books from all over the world, and I hung out in the USA area for a little while making small talk with the random Americans working there. Other highlights included running away from the strange Anime/Comic convention people, eating Thai food, and getting accosted by a leftist freelance poet who smelled like weed and who wouldn't go away until we bought his self-printed poem book. We also checked out some reallllllly old books and I bought a picture dictionary for the 300 most important German words. Before headed back to Spremberg we attempted to eat at Leipzig's vegan restaurant, but it was all full... Schade.

3/25: So ever since the beginning of the second semester (read: two months ago, ungefähr), I've had history with a new teacher, Herr Berno. Since the teacher switch I've been enjoying the class a lot more, mostly because Herr Berno actually cares about history and teaches it in an interesting and engaging way. We've also finally gotten past the Roman Empire and we're studying absolutism.

Anyway, for the last month or so we've been dealing with original source documents from the Enlightenment (Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, Rousseau, Machiavelli, etc). I've been keeping up pretty well and I was understanding mostly everything, so I was thinking that if I studied I would have a pretty good chance of not failing the test. Wrong. After I spent almost two hours with Pati studying the sources we had talked about in class, for the test we received a brand new source and two corresponding questions... and after five times reading it I still had no idea what was going on. Just when I think my German is getting good Louis XIV steps in to put me back in my place. Aber naja.

3/26: Yesterday I went to Cottbus with Olga and Yasmin to see Simon's band, Duck or Dove, formerly known as Light Forever, play at a Rockoff-type art/music contest. We met up with a bunch of other friends, including Daniela, Ewa, Linda, Max, Erik, and Vanni. I had seen the band before at parties in their practice room, and sometimes I even correct their English lyrics per Simon's request, but I was still so impressed by them. They're really great, and you can check them out on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Duck-or-Dove/163857426991977?ref=ts

After the show we hung out 'in der Stadt' and went shopping at New Yorker and H&M. I went in search of shorts but wasn't having much luck, and ended up with a short sleeved shirt and a light scarf. I really wish I didn't have to worry about space/weight in my suitcase...

General developments/comments:

As I said before, I've moved in with Pati's family and I've been there for a little over a week now. It is working out very well so far and I am happy. If anyone wants to send me mail (that would be awesome) you can ask my mom for my new address. I'm now living in Schwarze Pumpe, which is a district of the city Spremberg. It's notable for its power plant, which is, according to Wikipedia, 'the world's first CO2-free coal power plant... The plant is based on a concept called Carbon Capture & Storage (CCS), which means that carbon emissions will be captured and compressed to 1⁄500th their original volume, liquefying the gas. It will then be forced 1,000 metres (3,300 ft) below the soil into porous rock where it is believed that it will remain for thousands of years without exacerbating global warming.' Pretty cool, eh? Pati's parents both work there. I can always find my way home by looking for the 'cloud makers' - the big white smoke stacks letting out hot steam. I am hoping that through this move my last three months in Germany will be the best they could possibly be.

I am happy and healthy socially and emotionally, although I am starting to look forward to going home. I miss the Merrymeeting Wheelers and my parents and my roadbike, and I miss downtown Brunswick and my friends. I miss being in shape. I miss English a little, although I've been reading a great book called Mountains Beyond Mountains and Pati figured out how to get the TV news in English. That helps a bit.

BUT, I may possibly be borrowing a road bike and riding with the old men in the bike club here in Spremberg. I've got a couple of people asking around about extra bikes... hopefully something will come of it. I would be sooooo happy.

I think that's all for now. Hopefully I'll be updating more consistently in the next few months.

Until next time & liebe Grüße,

Dani

Let me start off by saying that I am so so so excited today because I got my bicycle (partially) fixed - it will finally shift out of the most difficult gear! Luckily the problem was the handlebar shifter, and not the rear derailer... otherwise it would've cost a lot more. But it is as if I have a brand new bicycle, I am so happy. I can FINALLY go up hill! Of course the teeth on the cassette are all worn down and it needs a new chain and everything is rusted, but IT SHIFTS! And it is glorious and I am happy.


But, anyway. For the non-bike-nerds out there... It's been a month since I wrote and I'm really not sure where January went. I am suddently halfway through my exchange. It feels like spring here and I am loving it.

Since the last time I wrote, I drove with Pati to Berlin and met up with Lissa, Colin, Felix, and Katrina. Lissa and Colin are friends from my high school German class who are also exchange students this year. Katrina is another friend from German class and was visiting her aunt in Germany for a month, and Felix was a German exchange student in my American school last year. I hadn't seen anyone from home in over four months, and it was SO great to talk to all of them. It was also really nice for me to be able to introduce Pati to friends from home. We spoke a strange hybrid of German and English, since Katrina had only been in Germany for three weeks and was having a harder time keeping up. Together we explored Berlin, traveling via U-Bahn and S-Bahn. Highlights included Alexanderplatz, the DDR (East Germany) Museum, the German History Museum, vegan burgers from Vego, and an Irish Pub. It was kind of strange to be sitting with people from back home drinking beer openly at a bar, but fun. We tried to get into the Reichstag but it was closed due to terror alert... Too bad.

Last week I had Winter Ferien, and I traveled to Austria for a ski vacation with Simon and his family! We left reaaaaaaally early in the morning on the first Saturday of vacation, and drove at least ten hours, maybe more, to Katschberghohe, Austria. I should probably remind you that Simon's family is Belgian, and while they all speak German, they speak Flemish with each other at home. While Flemish is something like a blending of German and English, I still can't exactly speak it (although sometimes I could understand it, which was really cool). They were really nice about trying to speak German with each other so that I could understand, but at times it was like I was back to my first week in Germany with little understanding of the conversations around me. They also own a chocolate factory and I definitely ate way too much of the sweets they brought with them (did you know the Belgians invented the Praline? Do we say Praline in English? I can't remember... They're small chocolates with various fillings and shapes.).



But anyway, we met up with some friends of Simon's family and got our ski passes and rentals and were on the mountain the next day. I hadn't been skiing in a couple of years, so I was a little nervous to start but it came back quickly. For six days in a row we skied from 10 am until 4 pm, with a break for lunch. I had never been skiing for even two days in a row, since in Maine we always just drive up to the mountain for one day... so the muscle stress and endurance took a little getting used to. But by the end of the week I had conquered my first ever black diamond ski trail - and I skied it 5 times in total. I pretty much stuck with Simon, but I also got to know his parents and siblings (Marie, 13 and Johannis, 6). His family is wonderful and so nice and I had a great time with them for the week.


Other than that... I have some exciting news regarding school! We just started the second semester and I finally feel like I'm (almost) on an even playing field with everyone else. We've started new topics (color and light in chemistry are proving to be muchhhh better than sugars and proteins), I switched out of biology and into ART ART ART(!!!!!!!), I finally have my real history teacher and not a substitute, I can understand what's going on in politics and I even took the test today with everyone else... things are looking up!

Funny story from my first day in history class: I wanted to see how long I could go without my new history teacher finding out that I was an exchange student, so I didn't specially introduce myself or anything. But, as part of his lecture, he had us write down the five most important things to us in life on a piece of paper. I wasn't sure how I should write 'knowledge' (Kenntnis? Wissen? Bildung?), so I took out my dictionary and tried to figure it out. Herr Berno saw this and asked loudly and sarcastically 'You need to look this up in the dictionary?' I replied 'I'm the exchange student...' and he was really embarassed and everyone laughed. I'm not sure if that was one of those 'You had to be there' stories or not, I hope you guys find it as funny as I did.

Tonight I'm going to Jana's birthday party, and since it's Fasching season we all have to dress up as a character from a Märchen (fairy tale). I don't exactly have much for costume materials, but I have a blue dress and Ramona helped me to make wings and a wand... so I'm going as a fairy. Should be interesting. On March 1st I get to take a train for something like 10 hours from Spremberg to Bad Honnef, where I have my AFS Midstay Camp until the 6th. Unfortunately the timing means I have to miss my school's Fasching celebration, along with the local Fasching Disco... pretty bummed about that, but there's nothing I can do to change it. In other news, I'm getting very excited to see Philipp Poisel in Dresden with Pati in a week and a half!

I figure since I'm five months in I should do some sort of reflection...

Over the last five months I have:

• Moved across the Atlantic Ocean and joined a new family in a foreign land and culture
• Improved my German skills drastically (more on this point later)
• Visited Dresden and Berlin multiple times
• Participated in anti-Nazi demonstrations in Berlin and Spremberg
• Made great friends at school
• Taken math, music, and politics tests in a foreign language
• Fallen in love for the first time
• Skied in the Austrian Alps (and skied my first black diamond trail)
• Visited Königstein
• Gone to Poland
• Gotten drunk for the first time (sorry mom)
• Had a romantic candlelit dinner for two
• Biked along the Spree
• Attended the Rosa Luxemburg Conference
• Celebrated Silvester (although I wish I could remember more of it...)
• Cooked Thanksgiving dinner for my host family
• Had my first German Christmas, visited my first Weihnachtsmärkte, and drank Glühwein
• Learned how to make Kartoffeln mit Quark and German Christmas cookies
• Eaten my first Döner
• Sang in a chorus concert for the first time since the 5th grade

And definitely more stuff I can't think of. Also my grammar is really bad. Speaking of, here's a note on the current state of my English and German:

I've gotten to the point where I can speak German better than most of the kids in my English class can speak English (with the possible exception of Simon). Kids will ask me what English words mean and I can finally give exact translations without much effort and without a dictionary (most of the time). My English grammar and spelling have really deteriorated, and a lot of times I just can't think of English words. It's really strange when I hear English outside of English class and a lot of time I don't even realize that it's English. I write a lot of my journal in German or at least in English with German sentence structure. I don't have trouble understanding class or the news or conversations around me when I pay attention and have context. I dream regularly in German. I have two more weeks of German lessons and I feel like I'm ready to be done with them. I don't write perfectly or always say things the way a real German would, but I'm comfortable in my ability to communicate, even if I'm still afraid of using du/Sie incorrectly. I don't put (German) subtitles on TV movies anymore, because I can understand from the spoken word well enough that I don't need to read it too. I look up words in a dictionary (for everyday conversation) maybe once or twice a week. I don't even use it for school that much anymore, and my notebook of new vocabulary is contains less words than average for the last few weeks.

If anyone has any questions, I could really use some more blog ideas. I am looking forward to Philipp Poisel and spring and summer. I hope my AFS Midstay camp will be fun. I am mostly happy and not homesick (although sometimes I really crave certain things from home, especially roadbiking with my parents and downtown Brunswick in general). I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and family from home in five months, but I'm also glad to be here.

Viele Grüße, Dani

As of today, I've been in Germany for four months. This may be a little touchy feely and introspective.

The time as flown by, but at the same time, I feel like I'm so different from who I was when I first came here. When I think about my first weeks here they seem like years ago, like I'm somehow older now. It's a strange feeling, but I barely feel connected to the nerdy, awkward American who stepped off the plane here four months ago. I think back on my first days here, on getting hot chocolate with Simon and Gustavo when English was canceled, on Frau Rennert firing biographical questions at me while cackling and attempting to reassure me with near-shouts of 'keine Angst! keine Angst!', on taking bike rides through the city back when I still needed my map, and it feels like it was all a dream.

The thing that makes packing your life into a 44 pound suitcase and flying across the Atlantic Ocean so amazing is that NO ONE knows you who you are. You start a new life. No one knows if you were in NHS or in band. No one knows if you were valedictorian, or who your prom date was. No one knows about the awkward emo phase you had when you were thirteen, or that you used to like Fall Out Boy more than you'd ever admit. No one remembers your bad haircuts, your past relationships, or your circles of friends. You're not held back by social cliques or past associations. No one knows what a Gay-Straight Alliance is, and no one has ever heard of Dartmouth College. You are no longer defined by everything you've done from Kindergarten until now. In fact, your past accomplishments are vague and generally unimportant. You have a completely fresh start - you ARE who you show to people, and only that.

I spent my last few months in America making speeches, giving newspaper interviews, and meeting the President. I graduated from high school at the top of my class and was accepted to an Ivy League university. I couldn't go anywhere without hearing 'Congratulations!' And while it was all really nice and I appreciate every good thing that happened to me, it's kind of nice to just be anonymous.

Being in Germany is finally giving me a chance to relax a little and be a normal teenager - to stay out late, not worry about grades, and just have fun with my friends. I am finally doing things because I want to do them, not because it will look good on a college application. And honestly, it is so, so refreshing.

At the same time, as much as I love Germany and everyone that I've met here (and really, my host family is great and I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends - Dani, Linda, Ewa, Vanni, Yasmin, Olga, Anna, Chrissy, Theresa, Jana... Pati, Simon, Hans, Göthel, Löning, Rick, Henning - you've all welcomed me from the start and I don't think I could ever truly express my appreciation for each of you. You make me feel like I belong here.), I am also looking forward to my future, and to this summer. I'm excited to show Pati my hometown as I rediscover it myself. I want Summer's End. I want to stuff myself on Chana Masala and Naan at Shere Punjab, and then go see a movie at the Evening Star. I want to hug my parents. I want to bike Ridge Road with my dad, and have dinner at Pedros with the Wheelers. I want to go kayaking in Harpswell with Cassie. I want to go to Gelato and play ultimate frisbee. I'm excited to start college with a new perspective, and I'm excited to be a nerd again and to understand everything that's going on in my classes. I'm excited to join clubs and sports teams and get active and involved, reinvigorated and ready to make a difference.

I also have no idea what I want to do with my life once I graduate. Although I guess I have a couple of more years to figure that out.

But for now, I have six more months left to enjoy my life in Germany... being with people I love, eating Döner, watching Wer Wird Millionär with my host mom, drinking tea, walking with Bruno, riding my bicycle along the Spree, swimming, going to concerts, partying, and having fun. Although I'm still afraid of my chemistry teacher and I don't think I'm ever going to understand biology, that's okay. I now know that don't have to be good at everything. And that's good enough for me.

Dani